Crossing Jordan

I keep meaning to make a new post, but I just haven't felt like blogging over the last little while. I really have felt like doing much of anything actually which means in my battle with depression, my depression is winning. On Sunday, Pastor Jeremy started a new message series called Crossing Jordan. He's using the Israelites' journey to the promised land as an analogy for life in general. We all start in Egypt with the promise of a better life. Once we start following God we leave Egypt with the Promised Land firmly in sight, but end up lost in the Wilderness. Eventually we find the Promised Land again, but getting there involves crossing the Jordan river which is filled with all the junk that keeps us from claiming everything God has promised us. Junk like fear, complacency, pride, guilt... all the lies Satan tries to get us to believe about ourselves and our unworthiness. But once we overcome our own personal Jordan we can finally live the kind of life that God made us for.

The message hit me pretty hard cause I'm definitely in the Wilderness and I've completely lost sight of the Promised Land. Most of the time I wonder if I'd recognize the Promised Land if I was standing right at its gates. Maybe I can't see the Promised Land cause I've gotten myself turned around cause they at least served more than just plain old manna three meals a day, seven days a week. I'm not sure if I'm anywhere near my Jordan, but I know once I get there it's going to look like a fast moving and wide river. Or maybe I've been sitting beside my Jordan the whole time, feeling completely defeated by the idea of wading out into the current, let alone trying to cross it.

I know deep down inside that there's more to life than this, but it's so hard to claim that and believe it with every fiber of by being. Have I really been lulled so much by the boredom in the Wilderness that I'd completely stopped trying to find the Promised Land again? Definitely a scary thought.

Matthew.