Clemster's Playground

Friday, March 03, 2006

Want To Buy New Immune System

I desperately wish it wasn't true but I am sick yet again. I can't believe that I've gotten one cold a month this winter. It's been nuts and I'm definitely going to talk to my specialist about it when I see him in a few weeks. Now I realize I've been a bad patient and kinda forgot to go for my monthly blood tests. So I guess it's possible that if I had been getting the tests done that he could have caught this if my meds are indeed the source. So I'm sure I'm in for a bit of a lecture when I do see him.

Time for a little soul bearing cause I'm tired of keeping this in. I feel really lost right now and it sure doesn't help that I'm feeling really lonely as well. Sure I have a great paying job, but it's hardly fulfilling. The attitude of my dad is to, as Steve would put it," suck it up princess". But man it's awfully depressing to think about sucking it up for the next 30 years until I'm able to retire with a full pension. And well how can I buy a house if I'm not as financially stable as I am now? It is taking so long because it's not in His plan for me or do I just need to continue to be patient?

I mean growing up life was all about finding the things we were most passionate about and making a living that way. Well the thing I'm most passionate about is music and leading others in worshipping God. So does this mean I'm supposed to change careers? Practically speaking I can't see it being possible to make a living off of worship leading. Definitely not here in Sudbury, and I doubt even in Canada. I don't want to cut CDs. I don't want to tour. I want to settle down and have a family.

Right now, as I hinted at in my last post, I'm kind of just existing. Life is passing me by. I've got a lot of work to do with regards to my relationship with God. I know if I were closer with Him I wouldn't be so discouraged about the future. And yet I still neglect my relationship with Him. When will I smarted up?

Matthew.

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