It's Going To Be One Of Those Days
It's 8:15am right now and I'm already feeling pretty depressed. I've already been at my desk for half an hour. From my office I can see the main entrance to our floor as well as the coffee machine. And well I just don't understand how people can be so chipper coming into work. I mean I have such a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning, knowing that I'm going to the same old job I've been working for the past year. That's right. As of Feb. 12th I'll have been working here for a full year now. Day in and day out working on the same project the whole time which has gotten pretty old. It has nothing to do with the people I work with or the work environment - I just don't like the work I have to do.
*sigh*
I'm just so tired. Tired of work. Tired of being single. Tired of living with my parents. Tired of being a loner, a hermit, a loser. Tired of pretending like I've got my life in order, that my relationship with God really exists beyond the selfish cries for help I so often make.
When all the shields I've built up are stripped away there's nothing left but my calloused heart. I'm just a loser that's trying to be something he's not. A sinner not trying hard enough to be a saint.
I just want to crawl back into bed.
Matthew.
*sigh*
I'm just so tired. Tired of work. Tired of being single. Tired of living with my parents. Tired of being a loner, a hermit, a loser. Tired of pretending like I've got my life in order, that my relationship with God really exists beyond the selfish cries for help I so often make.
When all the shields I've built up are stripped away there's nothing left but my calloused heart. I'm just a loser that's trying to be something he's not. A sinner not trying hard enough to be a saint.
I just want to crawl back into bed.
Matthew.
1 Comments:
Hi Matthew,
It's not like me to leave a random comment, but I've been reading a few of your past entries, and this one hit home. I'm in the same boat for the most part, the only thing that's different is that I live on my own. Sometimes it's good, but it gets really lonely after a while too. If I had my way, I think I'd move back home just so I'd have people around me to talk to.
I too don't care much for my job - I work too much and don't concentrate on school as much as I should. I'm currently about 3 months behind in my thesis work, and the end is nowhere near in sight. I know I'll be done school by the end of April, but I have no idea how I'm going to get there from here.
No worries, man...people all over the place are praying for you, including me. Depression isn't an easy thing to deal with...I still have to figure out how to come to grips with that.
Do try to take care of yourself...and know you're not alone. You'll be able to get through all of this - it'll just take some time, perseverence, and some faith.
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