Long time no blog
It's probably about time I post another blog entry huh? I've had plenty of reasons to stay away from the internet. This past weekend was a busy one with a gig on Saturday and Sunday. Both concerts with ecumenical which was pretty cool. The concert Sunday night was youth-oriented though so the other acts were a lot more exciting than Saturday's. Some songs that night were practically lullabies. Both events were held in the evenings and were outdoors as well. Fun stuff. We've been overhauling the networking equipment at work so our service has been down most of the week and well I kinda do most of my internet stuff at work which is not such a good thing. I've gotta cut down on the amount of company time I waste.
I've also been kind of depressed and lonely. Part of the vicious cycle I deal with when I'm like this is not wanting to be around people. It seems so dumb from the outside - if I feel lonely then I should reach out to someone by making a phone call, jumping online, or writing an email, but it's the last thing I want to do at that moment. Most of all I should pray but that's usually last on my list of things to try.
I was talking with a friend last night and we were marvelling at how much effort is involved in doing nothing. It's so hard to sit in a room, turn everything off, and try and listen for God's voice. I mean even if you had a sound proof room you'd still have to deal with the distractions found within. I'm my own worst enemy in that regards. Silence is just so uncomfortable when I'm alone. When I'm in my room alone and even when I'm at work in my office I've almost always got music on. I'd rather be distracted than face the chaos found in my mind.
So the idea of praying can be quite intimidating to me. I have to be silent and do nothing. Prayer takes discipline and that is not an appealing idea right now. I'm tired enough from dealing with life in general and now I have to expend more effort in talking to and listening to God?
Wow does that ever sound selfish. *sigh*
Matthew.
I've also been kind of depressed and lonely. Part of the vicious cycle I deal with when I'm like this is not wanting to be around people. It seems so dumb from the outside - if I feel lonely then I should reach out to someone by making a phone call, jumping online, or writing an email, but it's the last thing I want to do at that moment. Most of all I should pray but that's usually last on my list of things to try.
I was talking with a friend last night and we were marvelling at how much effort is involved in doing nothing. It's so hard to sit in a room, turn everything off, and try and listen for God's voice. I mean even if you had a sound proof room you'd still have to deal with the distractions found within. I'm my own worst enemy in that regards. Silence is just so uncomfortable when I'm alone. When I'm in my room alone and even when I'm at work in my office I've almost always got music on. I'd rather be distracted than face the chaos found in my mind.
So the idea of praying can be quite intimidating to me. I have to be silent and do nothing. Prayer takes discipline and that is not an appealing idea right now. I'm tired enough from dealing with life in general and now I have to expend more effort in talking to and listening to God?
Wow does that ever sound selfish. *sigh*
Matthew.
2 Comments:
“I think meditation furnishes the mind with rest. It is the couch of the soul. The time that a man spends in necessary rest, he never reckons to be wasted, because he is refreshing and renovating himself for further exertion. Meditation, then, is the rest of the spirit. ..if many of us knew how to spend a little time daily in the calm repose of contemplative retirement, we should find ourselves less exhausted by the wear and tear of our worldly duties. Just as a change of posture relieves the weariness of the body, a change of thoughts will prevent your spirits becoming languid. Meditation and prayer are twin sisters, and both of them appear to me equally necessary to a Christian life.”- C.H. Spurgeon.
“ I will sing unto the LORD as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD. Let the sinners be consumed out of the earth, and let the wicked be no more. Bless thou the LORD, O my soul. Praise ye the LORD.”- Psalm 104:33-35
“Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. 14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:13-14
hope that helps some..
-Evie
By
Anonymous, at 2:35 AM
it really is hard to just sit and be quiet. that's really crazy.
and i totally know what you mean about not wanting to being lonely, but not wanting to be social and the vicious cycle. this past year, i went through cycles like that. i hate that. and then i just get weirder and weirder the more socially isolated i become.
...i try to not let that happen anymore. no fun.
anyhoo. hope things get better.
-Jennifer (from the webboard)
By
Anonymous, at 9:58 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home