My Heart Aches

Well this weekend was a bit of a downer and it really all began Thursday night when Teresa and I said our goodbyes. Not always being much for words it was tough trying to figure out what to say. I mean what DO you say to someone who, if they weren't moving away, you'd be dating? We talked about the past, but mostly about the future. Will she and I be able to stay close over such a long distance? The odds against us are quite high in that regard and it's never worked in the past for me. For all we know we may never see each other again since she could be posted to a job anywhere in the country with NavCanada.

This weekend, as I'm sure she was driving to Alberta with her mom, it really hit me how much I'm going to miss her. For the past four plus years I've taken her for granted. I knew if I ever needed a hug all I had to do was find her on a Sunday morning or at practice. If I ever needed a ride she was someone I could call. Those rides usually turned into some quality time together talking about the past week or even to share with someone the skeleton's in our closets. I didn't go through any major crisis during those 4+ years, but she was around as a support for the mundane stuff in my life.

To be quite honest, she's one of the few reasons why I've stayed in No Idols for so long. The opportunity to sing with her and be around her was too good to pass up. Toby was another reason and he'll be gone soon as well. Because of this I'm pretty sure I'm going to leave the band. I really don't think we can recover from losing Toby and Teresa. We've had a good run and I think it's time to disband. Now if only we could get everyone to a practice so we can have an official meeting about it.

So now what happens? Do I take a vacation from worship leading or do I step up to the plate and fill the void that No Idol's passing will leave? I guess some of that depends on the church and on the remaining members of the band who I have a hard time working with. Ron, the leader, does not take input well and Bruce, the drummer is very opinionated. So needless to say they don't work well together. And then yesterday at Cecil Facer, the chaplain was asking what's going to happen with the group since Teresa and Toby are leaving. Well Bruce starts talking about me and how I want to move on to other things... which I never talked to Bruce about once. It's like he's got these dreams for me and so he started talking about them with someone else while I was right there. Ugh. So frustrating. I'll definitely have to find some new musicians if I want to start something else.

Matthew.