Clemster's Playground

Monday, August 30, 2004

More Single Musings

I got a quick and simple reminder this weekend how easily I can be affected by an attractive woman. Just getting more than what I consider a normal amount of attention is enough to set my mind racing: "Does she like me? Should I show interest in case she does? Should I be liking her back?" Things like that run through my mind as I begin over-analyzing the signals I believe I'm seeing. But chances are she's just being her normal, outgoing, extroverted self. I need to be on my guard more and protect the heart I wear on my sleeve.

Last week was a strange week as you can tell by my last blog. I got a call from an old friend in Ottawa that was passing on his way through town on his way out West. He wanted me to hang out for a bit but I had no warning: he didn't call until 10:30pm when I was getting ready for bed. I would have liked to see him again, but it was just too late for me. He also told me that a very good friend of mine from Ottawa, Neil, that I lost touch with got married two weekends ago. The very same weekend my parents were in Ottawa for a wedding. So if I had known/been invited I could have gone. The phone call was so quick I forgot to ask how to get in touch with Neil. Frustrating.

I also found out yesterday through the grape vine that Toby, my good friend, got engaged over the weekend. I had heard rumors he was going to pop the question, but he never talked to me about it so it came as a bit of a shock. I'm happy for him, but I've been getting this sinking feeling of losing him over the last few months as he's gotten more and more serious about his now fiance. And I guess that just brought the truth of it home to me. I mean we're close, but we're not. He's not the kind of guy to have serious conversations with most of the time. So we generally just stick to playing computer games with each other. The people who let it slip about his engagement felt really bad. "You didn't know? Wow. We figured you knew. We figured you'd be the best man." The wedding is a year away and I very well might be asked to be the best man. Right now it's tempting to say that I'll refuse if he asks me, but that's just the bitter side of me talking. The side that's tired of losing friends as they get married and/or movie away while I sit here watching them pass me by.

I was asked yesterday to join a college and careers Bible study group at church. They are doing the 40 Days of Purpose. I didn't participate last year because I got sick of the hype and propaganda about the book. The book is supposed to be life changing, but usually that kinda thing doesn't happen to me. I go to retreats and such that are supposed to be amazing and I end up having a less than good time. So do I join this small group? Is it just going to be a singles group where everyone goes hoping to meet their mate instead of meeting God? Bah... decisions decisions.

Matthew.

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